i should be in bed...

the only thing i hate about hanging out after cru is that sometimes it distracts me from processing thru all of the things the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me. tonight was awesome. God knows just what to say at just the right times.
I am so happy that Brad was willing to come. I feel a little like i am nagging him by asking him to do stuff all the time, but i have to. for so long in our relationship he didnt give anything, im not sure why... but that made me very hesitant to put myself out there because i was afraid that it wouldnt be returned. that is stupid and i have to get over it. we show love differently but that doesnt mean that has to change the way i show love to him. I wish we could talk more about how we feel or what we think about things. The message was so amazing tonight,perfect actually. i dont know why but i always care a lot about what he thinks. it makes me nervous when he comes to cru because i am afraid that he wont like it and that will be a reflection on me. then he wont want to come anymore and that will be a reason for us not to hangout. I really dont know why this relationship means so much to me, but it does... a lot.
Obviously there was a lot i got out of the message for myself. actually i really felt like God was answering my request for wisdom about the decisions i need to make for the summer. I felt a real peace about it. He is so faithful. but i kept hearing things that dealt directly with the issue that brad and i were discussing (arguing... whatever) about last week. its the same issues that i worry he is letting himself fall into and sit in. fear, apathy, worry, excuses. all legitimate issues, stuff that a lot of people including me have dealt with. I know about this stuff and can relate to it too. but that is why it is so important to me that he finally understands the truth behind those issues and why they are wrong. i dont want him to have to suffer in them anymore the way i did. I love him to much for that.
anyway, there is so much more that i want to process through later, probly tomorrow but its late and im exhausted. but i am still amazed at Gods sovereignty and his awesomeness. He really knows it all. His will really is better than our own. I have to trust that he has it all covered because i dont. i have to trust that he is going to work it all out because i cant. its not my job. i have to let it go. and he WILL take care of it. because as important as it is to me... it is infinitely more important to him. How amazing?! And they way he works out everything in perfect timing and perfect circumstances that we would have never been able to come up with ourselves?! we are not worthy of HIs greatness, nor do we appreciate it enough. I am glad i serve a holy and sovereign God.