reality check

you know how every once in awhile you just totally have this epiphany and you somehow just understand something in a completely different way.
one day i was talking to someone. they made a comment and i got kind of defensive about it (not outwardly of course) but made a light hearted attempt to justify it to them. all under the disguise of a joke. then they said something that stopped me in my tracks.

That person thought for a second and said, "you know, that doesnt make you weak."
it was like a light went on. thats why i react to things the way i do. I cant stand to appear weak.

i mean all it took was a little critcism in a friendly conversation to get my back up. It was a light hearted blow to my pride and even though it really meant nothing, i felt i had to jump to defend myself. heaven forbid even for a second, i would appear to be anything less than completely competant and together in someone elses eyes.

the funny thing is that no matter how much i try to have it together, i am just masking the fact that i truly am weak. we all are! its why we have such a ned for a savior. I mean hasnt that what people have been trying to tell us since we were kids. Jesus loves me-"i am weak but he is strong". its the first thing we can say when we are babies after mom, dad, and hungry. why does it take us so long to get it. if i try to appear any other way, i am lying to everyone maybe even myself. and i am not glorifying God. i keep going back to 2 corinthians 12:9. His strength is made great in our WEAKNESS. its NOT a bad thing! its why he came. He already knows we suck. No suprise there.
we just have to learn to be honest with HIm about it, as well as others and ourselves. Each weakness is there for a reason. To be an example of what God is capable of doing.

This is also the exact reason why nonbelievers see us Christians as hypocrites. we down play our faults and struggles and try to pretend like we do everything right all the time and have all the answers. well we aint fooling anyone.

Its just so hard to be vulnerable.

anyway, Just so everyone knows.... i am weak! i dont have it all together.
I am prideful.
I lie.
I am lazy and apathetic.
I care more about what other people think than what God does.
I sin blatantly knowing I am hurting God.
... and sometimes it doesnt bother me that much.
I am selfish.
I am not compassionate or loving.
I make idols.

And God loves me anyway! :)
and He is constantly disciplining me, and correcting and refining me. He is sanctifying me.
He knew about it when He died and He did it anyway.

As Pastor James McDonald always says... God doesnt expect us to be perfectly sinless or righteous, but he does expect us to be increasingly sinless and righteous.

its all part of the process. We are a work in progress.

Phillipians 1:6
6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.